he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
