You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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