she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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