I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
