How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
