remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
