I must be too annoying 4 u.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
