Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
