Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
