I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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