He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
