I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
