woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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