my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
