Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
