he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
