i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
