I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
it's like heaven, but drunker
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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