You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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