No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
