Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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