Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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