Moan for me like Helen Keller
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Vodka?
Forever.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
