at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
