1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
