Already got asked if we're dating
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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