I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
