why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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