I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
