Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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