butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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