wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
