got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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