Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
