That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
