We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
