I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
