u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
