Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
