I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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