where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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