So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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