He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
