I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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