i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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