everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
