Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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