One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
