She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
