my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize