so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
love makes seman taste better
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
