she was so not down for the gang bang
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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