We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I looked at my own cervix.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
