I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
