she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
