I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
