guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
