Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
