If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
