new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Found the puke drawer
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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