I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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