I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
