Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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