Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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