she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
