porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
