I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize