He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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