I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
