Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
