Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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