She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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