woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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