I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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