He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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