just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
