Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
