I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
operation have a gay friend backfired
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
