dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
