My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
