I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
